Going through a separation or a divorce is challenging, no matter the circumstances. It turns the world upside down for you and your kids. It’s important to remember that you’re not in this alone. There are a few things you can do to ensure you’re taking proper care of yourself and your children.
It Starts Inside You
This is a rough time, and unfortunately, much of what will come may be entirely out of your control. Before you try to control the feelings and reactions of your former spouse or children, make sure you’re okay.
Be kind to yourself and your body. Try to avoid making spontaneous plans that aren’t well thought through. While the first thing you may turn to is a stiff drink, try not to, it will only make things worse.
Self Reflection Vs Self-criticism
Divorce is a nostalgic time. It’s a significant life change that in many cases, forces individuals to ask themselves what went wrong. During this process, it can be easy to fall into a vicious cycle of self-criticism.
Instead of beating yourself up over things that happened in the past, try to learn from your mistakes. Moving forward, you can be a better person for yourself and your family. Don’t be too harsh with yourself at this time.
Take a Break
Healing emotionally is an exhausting task; don’t try to force it or expect immediate results. Allow yourself to feel sad, to cry, and to take a break. If you need to get away for a short time, try to spend some time outdoors or doing what you love.
If you don’t have time to go somewhere to regroup, take some time in your schedule for meditation. You may be shrugging this off as too new-age for you, but in reality, meditation is a powerful and free tool for change.
There are plenty of guided meditations for those going through divorce that’s less than 30 minutes. Incorporating this mindfulness practice into your life can work wonders. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.
Explore Interests
Remember who you are when you’re not with your spouse. What do you like to do? Revisit old hobbies and explore new interests. Take this time as an opportunity for growth.
If you used to paint, sing, or surf and lost the passion along the way, get it back! Doing things you love will bring joy into the moment. It can even help you create new family activities to do with the kids.
Don’t Face it Alone
Sharing feelings with family and friends can help you get through this tough period. Take some time to vent to people that you trust. It’s generally better to let go of negative emotions rather than to bottle them up inside. According to this article in Psychology Today, venting can help you restore your equilibrium.
As long as you’re careful who you confide in, receiving sympathy can be a great form of comfort. Self-expression feels good, and it’s nice to know that someone is listening.
Avoid Confiding in Your Children
While it’s good to express your emotions and feelings to other adults, you mustn’t confide in your children. They are already experiencing trauma, and it can weigh on them knowing how much you’re struggling.
Avoid arguing or talking negatively about the other parent and don’t make them take sides. Instead, listen to your kid’s feelings and be compassionate in your response. If you notice that their mood and behavior is changing, make sure you encourage honesty and legitimize their feelings.
Try to Maintain a Routine for Your Kids
Consistency and routine can go a long way to offering comfort to your children. This is a significant life change, so it’s best to minimize disruptions in their schedule.
Moving Forward
If you find yourself or your kids struggling with depression or anxiety during your separation, visit a therapist.
Your medical insurance may cover any counseling or mental health visits. That said, not all plans do. If you want to check on your status or you’re seeking new coverage, you can find out about the best health insurance plans here.
A psychologist can help you work through your feelings and identify areas where you can improve. They will also help children work through any trauma. Remember, their job is to listen, not to judge.
You’ll Be OK
After everything, you will be OK. By using these tips and seeking professional help when needed, you and your kids will come out stronger than ever and unified.